Tuesday, August 22, 2006


An Attack on One is an Attack on All

Iran has attacked an Romanian oil platform. Romania is a member of Nato. Does a state of war now exist between Iran and the United States? Perhaps by traditional definitions. But then by traditional definitions a state of war should have begun when they invaded the sovereign soil of the United States by taking over our embassy. By traditional definitions "terrorists" who fight battles without clearly identifiable insignia to differentiate themselves from civilians are spies who should be hung to discourage the endangerment of non-combatants. I wonder what "world opinion" would say if Bush decided to start respecting that little bit of the laws of war so sacred to the Gitmo protesters. Apparently sovereignty and "international law" and diplomatic tradition are things that are either sacred or ignored depending on how useful it is politically to the person making the decision. Was it ever any other way?

Then again maybe it is like a jackup-rig or something else that is not considered a Romanian ship at sea, in which case... nervermind.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


In Which J. Random American Discovers How to Win World War IV

Ann Althouse has a post (hat-tip Instapundit) about American Muslim kids who are memorizing the entire Koran so that they can get a free pass into heaven for themselves and 10 more that they can give away to friends and family.

This has given me a creative idea about how to win the war on terror (or World War IV as informed people are now calling it.)

Step 1. Make certain that the belief that memorizing the Koran will guarantee entrance to heaven for that person and ten others of their choosing is widespread throughout the Muslim world. Our enemies will probably be useful idiots in helping us with this.

Step 2. Have DARPA develop an accelerated learning program for memorizing the Koran in DVD format. Take out a whole bunch of ads on Al Jazeera for this program promising “Learn the Koran in 6 months or your money back.”

Step 3. Secretly fund the production of an Arabic sex-romp comedy movie in the style of Porky’s or American Pie. It should be about a group of young Muslim men who turn their backs on terrorism and instead of getting only one free pass to heaven by being suicide bombers they each memorize the entire Koran using the accelerated learning DVD. Then the young men pool some of their “free passes into heaven” and offer them as prizes to the local girls who give the best performance in various sex acts and positions. Make sure to cast really hot actresses to play some of the local girls who are engaged in the competition and have the competition “get out of hand” as all the local girls try to one-up each other to impress the young men with the free passes*.

Step 4. Make sure that bootleg copies of both the movie and accelerated learning program show up in every marketplace and vendor stall in the Muslim world. Within a year radical Islam will no longer be a problem, and instead we’ll be watching news reporters warn us about the rising tide of teenage pregnancy and STDs in the Middle East. After all, once at least 10% of the Muslim world has earned their 11 free passes to heaven by memorizing the Koran then the religion would lose all its fire and brimstone. If you knew you were going to heaven no matter what you did, then would you spend your Firday listening to some crazy old guy rant in the mosque or go down to Hooters for the wet-T shirt contest? Maybe you could promise the winner a free trip to heaven if she makes you really, really happy.

Step 5. Put another “World War” notch on our collective national riflestock.

* As a really insidious subplot one of the girls could be a shy Jewish girl who turns out to be a totally hot sex machine. Have one of the Muslim heroes fall in love with her and try to keep her from “auditioning” with the other judges. At the end of the movie when he tells his father that he’s going to marry the Jewish girl, his dad is furious. But the kid reminds his father that it doesn’t matter if she is the daughter of pigs and dogs, she can get into heaven anyway with one of the free passes. Then the hero reminds his dad that if he makes trouble over the marriage he might find HIS free pass into paradise revoked.

BWA-HA-HA-HA (Evil laugh)

Thursday, August 10, 2006


Liquid Explosives

There were reports suggesting that the latest Heathrow-centered airline bomber plot involves liquid explosives. If anyone doubts that liquid explosives are real, here is an example of one. I believe that the Pentagon looked into making this a standard kit item for infantrymen in the 1960's. It could be poured directly into soil and detonated to make instant "improvised foxholes" or rigged with a trip mechanism create a landmine. I think stability or storage problems hampered its widespread use, however.

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006


I Condemn the Murder of Innocents

There is news in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer (hattip: Instapundit) that Naveed Haq, who recently murdered one Jewish woman and attempted to murder more during a shooting spree at the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle, may have been a Christian. As a Christian, I want to announce publicly my condemnation of Naveed Haq's crime. Even if he was a Christian instead of a Muslim, as was first reported, that does not change the fact that his murderous attack was a terrible crime. I hope that the state of Washington is vigorous and effective in its pursuit of justice for the defenseless victims at the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle. Instead of capturing and trying the murderer, however, I think it would have been better if one or more of the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle patrons had been armed and able to stop this crime sooner. In addition to saving lives, perhaps they could also have saved Washington taxpayers the cost of a trial.

I do not think that Naveed Haq's act was typical Christian behavior. As followers of Christ I think we should follow his example. I cannot imagine how someone would look at a "What Would Jesus Do?" bumper sticker and decide that the answer is "Walk into a Jewish community center and murder people." We should try to help people of other faiths understand Christ's love for them, but we should not attack them if they don't. We should love our neighbors even when we disagree with them about how best to worship God. Christians should work together with Jews to make our communities better. I hope that other Christians will join me in condemning the terrible attack against the Jewish Federation of Greater Seattle and in praying for the family of the murder victim Pam Waechter, as well as for the speedy recovery of the other victims: Cheryl Stumbo, Dayna Klein, Carol Goldman, Layla Bush and Christina Rexroad. I hope that Jews will not think that Naveed Haq's horrible and inexcusable actions are representative of Christians or Christianity. If there are any Christian ministers who are preaching the murder of our Jewish neighbors, I hope that they either stop and repent, or else that they are driven out of positions of power within their churches. Lastly, if something like this ever happens again I hope that the murderous nutjob is stopped by police or armed citizens before he has a chance to hurt anybody else.

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